NEW YEARS RESOLUTIONS

Like most of the civilized world, I have felt the need to improve myself, to become thinner, smarter, more “focused”, more productive, less stressed etc. to vomit point. I made resolutions every year. I wrote them out in great detail, including a “realistic” timeline and “workable” plan. Over the years I have been successful at, let’s see, 0 of those resolutions. So this year, I have spent exactly no time thinking about what a horrible person I am.

In fact, during the last three years I have studied in depth, spoke with experts at length and learned as much about life as I had learned in the previous 59 years. So --- here is what I plan to think about for the next year.

1. When I was at the lowest point I could be, God reached down and picked me up. In that brief encounter I KNEW God would not punish me for what I was not, but loved me for who I was – screwed up and horrible as that is. More important than that, he loves you as well, so how can I do any less? So as screwed up and miserable as you are, you are two steps ahead of me.

2. When I say the Lord’s Prayer and I come to the part about “Forgive me my trespasses as I forgive those who trespass against me.”, the as in that section is a conditional. I will be forgiven with the exact mercy, compassion and forgiveness I give everyone else. So you are completely off the hook.

3. At the final judgment, I will be asked, “What did you do for the least in my Kingdom?” The least are not the starving Haitians, (although they are an important part). The least are those people I am the angriest at. The people who have hurt me the worst. What have I done in return? I no longer have a choice.

4. The essential goal of everyone, the purpose of our lives is to be happy. That actually is what God wants. So how do we achieve this? Lottery winnings, personal well being, world peace will not do it. Only by viewing ourselves as needed, engaged in something that matters, or less important than the goal we seek, will bring real joy.

5. Perhaps the biggest change has been the realization that the only reality is this moment. Every moment that has passed is gone and cannot be changed, no matter how much we may want to. Time wasted thinking about what might have been steals from this moment of reality. What I think and do in this moment may effect a future moment. I firmly believe that what I release in this moment will be returned to me three fold. If I put out peace and acceptance, that is what will be returned to me. If I put out anger and rejection, that is what will come to me. Now all of this sounds very easy, but it will require hard work every day to overcome a life time of habit.

6. Jesus says “fear not” or its equivalent more times than anything else in the Bible. For most of my life I was afraid. I was afraid someone would figure out I was not good enough. I wasn’t smart enough, I wasn’t funny enough, I wasn’t as good a son, brother, teacher, friend, athlete, Catholic or carpenter as I should have been. Maybe if I just worked harder, was more vigilant, I could hold the horrors at bay. In fact, the only thing I was rock solid about was that I had been a good husband and a good father. But as I said, in that lowest of all moments, God simply said “Fear not” so I stopped fearing.

7. At this moment I am as sane, healthy, and spiritually alive as I have ever been. I embrace the unknown and can’t wait for the next challenge. And I would not be at this moment without every other moment that has passed. So while I certainly have regrets and would love to make up for past mistakes, I can’t and I will not waste another moment in guilt or recriminations.

8. Nearly every one of my faults and failures were hard wired into me. My mother did not cause me to be shy, awkward or clumsy. I came that way. It was my brokenness and it was up to me to fix it. Finally, I know how to do that.

So this year will have no new goals, just the same one, to get back to that instant with God that was so full of peace and acceptance.