HORSE STORY
All my childhood I was horse crazy. Remember, this was the day of cowboys and Indians played with toy guns and high standards. I faithfully watched Gene Autry, Roy Rogers, Dale Evans, The Lone ranger and later Bonanza. I knew everything about each cowboy’s horse. Actually I found the horses much more interesting than the cowboys.
Fueled by stories from my parents who had both grown up on farms that relied on the original horse power to get work done, and by the occasional visit to a stables to rent heaven for an hour, I developed the dream of one day owning lots of horses,. They would share Sunnybank II with the collies. But money being scarce, the stable visits were also scarce. And life moved me through high school and on to Oneonta to be civilized.
Imagine my joy when I learned that not only did Oneonta have a stables, the owners were always looking for students willing to work in exchange for free rides. Everyone came out a winner. The family in charge, offered horse owners one of two contracts. If you owned a valuable horse you might choose to pay a fairly high fee. You would be guaranteed room, board, grooming and regular exercise provided by a knowledgeable horseman.
If on the other hand, you were not as particular about your animal, you could pay a lesser fee. The horse would still be fed and boarded, but exercise would be provided by customers who came to the stables to rent horses. On any given day, your horse might be ridden by six different people, none of them knowing what they were doing. Grooming would be provided, but again by someone like me who might not know a lot. But then a shovel only has two ends and a bright college student can generally figure out which end is safe to grab.
On an especially gorgeous day in September of 1968, I showed up for my first day of work. Handed a shovel and shown several stalls, I quickly overcame revulsion and “dug” in. The unpleasantness of the job was overcome by the thought riding the beautiful palomino or the stunning grey that watched me from the coral. When I had finished, I was lead past both those horses to a side stall where the ugliest creature I had ever set eyes on stood. To qualify as a horse, an animal must be 16 hands at the shoulder. A hand is 4 inches, so quick math says the horse must be 4’ 8 at the shoulder. This “horse” could have only been 4’ 8 1/16 . Adding to his attractiveness was his color -- grey mixed with dirt, only the dirt never washed off. But by far the most disgusting thing were his eyes. Piebald is a gentle description. Wild and scary more accurate.
Disappointed and angry, I nearly told the owner to stick the fork where it would do the most good. But, I had endured all that stink, so I might as well get something for it. A saddle was quickly thrown on the miserable creature and I jumped on – and into a two year love affair.
I was to learn what perfection was hidden inside that ugly body. He never wanted to end a ride, never showed any fear no matter where we went or how noisy it was, never once failed to respond to any request. And never have I ridden a horse with an easier gate. He was the most even tempered, pleasant animal I have ever been around. We became great friends.
Alas after two years, insurance issues caused the family to stop allowing “volunteers” to work around the horses. That meant actual money needed to change hands to continue riding. Life also interfered. Within a blink of time a highway was being built through the old riding track and stables and the inmates were gone.

WHY YOU SHOULD NEVER CHANGE THE CEILING

Kay has wanted to turn our upstairs hall into a photo gallery. She has many really nice pictures and I think a place to display them might encourage her to do even more. So we planned a simple, quick upgrade to the hall. Painting would be simple and wainscoting at the bottom would be an easy way to cover a few defects. The big requirements would be to upgrade the lighting, replace the four ugly old doors that line that part of the hall and replace the unsightly ceiling.

Leveling the old ceiling would require a lot of wood that would never be seen. What a waste! But wait, if I take this opportunity to tear the guest bedroom apart, I would have lots of discarded wood from the moldings around the windows and doors. I could cut that to size and use it in the foundation for the ceiling.

But, that means the paneling would have to come down and be thrown away. What a waste! But wait, I could use that paneling to redo the closets in the hall and in the guest room. I could also add lights to both closets. And what a great time to add additional shelving and perhaps a shoe tree. Perfect.

But if I am going to do all that in the guest room, what a great time to rebuild the bookcase and desk and add that file cabinet I have always wanted to incorporate. And I could rewire the ceiling light and build it into the cornice molding that I will now need. But if I am going to do all that, I need good walls, so I might as well replace the guest room walls. Plus what a great time to turn the window sills into something special. And, we might as well do something extraordinary with the walls while we’re at it.

But wait!! If the entire upstairs is going to be a mess anyway, we might as well strip that one wall in the bathroom and repaper it. We really have been putting that off and now is the time. But if the molding all has to come down so we can repaper, why not replace that ugly ceiling while we are at it? And, if we are going to do that, now is the time to pull the toilet out and repair the floor. But wait!! If the toilet has to come out anyway, why not tear out the old floor and replace the entire thing with a solid one piece plywood underlayment?

Soooooo – I spent all day today sorting through the three tons of wood that was delivered yesterday, so I would not waste money buying wood to replace the ceiling.

FAIR ELLEN

It’s time to tell some stories. When I was a wee lad, I was picked on a lot. Kids made fun of me, and given my ability to go into a shell and become tongue tied and dumb, I helped them right along. Don’t get me wrong. My childhood was really pretty good. Yes my Mother was massively overprotective but I never felt unloved. And my father was great. While I spent lots of time alone and probably did not develop the social graces I should have, I also developed a spectacular imagination. But outside of my home I was awkward and lonely. So I hid in books. There I was in control, I could identify with the characters, and it was safe.

Of all the safe places I visited, the most magical was a place called Sunnybank. Sunnybank was the home of Albert Payson Terhune, a New York Editor, who also raised prize winning collies. The “Place” was their home and Terhune and his wife were the “Master” and “Mistress”. Terhune turned the adventures of the great collies Bruce, Grey Dawn, Bobby and others into very popular books. The most famous was “Lad, a Dog.” But of all the stories, the one that captivated me the most, was the tale of Fair Ellen.

One of five puppies, prior to them opening their eyes, Terhune was impressed with how elegant and in charge the only female in the group was. The four others, despite being much larger differed to her. She quickly became his favorite and he named her, Fair Ellen. In the normal growth of puppies the four males opened their eyes and began the world of sight, but Fair Ellen’s eyes remained sealed. Finally, a vet was summoned, the eyes were surgically opened, but sight was not to be. Fair Ellen was blind. With a heavy heart, Terhune went to the house to inform his wife that they would need to “end the suffering” of his favorite new pup. Her response was surprising for a dog breeder of their level. “What suffering? She has never known what sight is, so she can not miss it. If life becomes a burden, we can always end it. But not now.” Not now became twelve years of joyful wanderings about the “Place” and the nearby woods.

What struck Terhune the most was Fair Ellen’s effect on others, both canine and human. The most difficult dogs became gentle and protective around Ellen. Once it was noticed that if Ellen bumped into something, she detoured around that spot for the rest of her life, every workman became attentive to the rule “Everything in its place.”

A visitor once remarked about the twisting, circuitous route Ellen took when crossing the yard from the lake to the house. It was explained that each detour was around an object she had once bumped into. Although the object was long removed, Ellen still detoured around the spot.

Visitors were a special treat for her. She greeted them with an enthusiastic welcome and reveled in any attention they gave her. As far as any human could tell, Ellen lived a life full of happiness and joy. After twelve years, she quietly fell asleep in her favorite spot.

And so, twenty years after her death, a young child in Johnson City was enthralled by her story. It seemed to speak of possibilities and hope and that there were places in the world that were completely safe, no matter what.

ANOTHER STEP

IN the midst of all the Pre Christmas turmoil, we spent a lot of time at Toys for Tots. We were needed and it was a great place to expend some effort. Many very touching and beautiful moments took place, but my second most special moment applied only to me and my personal growth.

A man showed up with two slips, one for his child and one for his girl friend’s child. When he presented them, I asked, (as required) “ Do you have a note from your girl friend saying you can pick up her bag?” He got very agitated –“Oh, so that’s how it works? Well I guess one kid gets Christmas and the other one just watches? Great!!” At that moment I stopped him.

Now this is what was new for me. For all my life, whenever I have been in a high stress situation, my brain got up and left. Usually it went over and sat on the window sill and watched. Behind was left a cadaver from which useless noises emanated at great length. As a child, I was picked on everyday at school. The class hero would say something witty and cruel and I would respond with ,”Duh!” An hour later I could list seventeen responses that would have been brilliant – just not when needed.

When I think back over collegiate attempts at romantic by play, I just want to hide behind a bush. Being tongue tied might have at least been endearing. When family matters got tense, my brain just sat in the car and quit even trying. When confronted with the most insulting night of my life since high School, I wound up blithering about a ham. Once again, my brain was just curled up in fetal position hoping I would stroke out permanently.

At any rate, when faced with an angry man at Toys for Tots, my brain started to pack up. Suddenly, all the learning of the past three years asserted itself and I looked him in the eye and said, “ What I need you to do right now is go out that door, turn around, and come back in and say Merry Christmas.” He was stunned, then turned around went outside for several minutes, returned, stuck his hand out and said, ”Merry Christmas, I have a problem.” I shook his hand and said, ‘Merry Christmas, what can I do for you.” He explained his predicament, which was quickly resolved. I retrieved both bags, presented them to him and wished him well. He turned to go, then turned back, “ You know I’m really not a jerk. It’s just been a horrible day. My girl friend lost her job this morning, and I was told I was being transferred to Toronto.”

“Toronto is a lovely city,” I said.

“But if I move out of Broome County, I lose custody of my little girl. Great choice, work or my child!” We talked a little longer, not that I had any idea of how to help him, but I think he felt better. Talking to strangers about the horrors of your life really does help. At any rate I marked it down as one more step on the journey.

Ok, the war of the computer is being waged. I planned on adding a few pictures to show what we had built this year. This cart was done for the zoo in the Spring. It is the only picture I can find, because all the pictures I just got done looking at, of the waterfall and the coffee table are not findable right at this moment. So, I am either shooting myself or going back to work. This is a trial to see if this actually makes it into the ether world.

NEW YEARS RESOLUTIONS

Like most of the civilized world, I have felt the need to improve myself, to become thinner, smarter, more “focused”, more productive, less stressed etc. to vomit point. I made resolutions every year. I wrote them out in great detail, including a “realistic” timeline and “workable” plan. Over the years I have been successful at, let’s see, 0 of those resolutions. So this year, I have spent exactly no time thinking about what a horrible person I am.

In fact, during the last three years I have studied in depth, spoke with experts at length and learned as much about life as I had learned in the previous 59 years. So --- here is what I plan to think about for the next year.

1. When I was at the lowest point I could be, God reached down and picked me up. In that brief encounter I KNEW God would not punish me for what I was not, but loved me for who I was – screwed up and horrible as that is. More important than that, he loves you as well, so how can I do any less? So as screwed up and miserable as you are, you are two steps ahead of me.

2. When I say the Lord’s Prayer and I come to the part about “Forgive me my trespasses as I forgive those who trespass against me.”, the as in that section is a conditional. I will be forgiven with the exact mercy, compassion and forgiveness I give everyone else. So you are completely off the hook.

3. At the final judgment, I will be asked, “What did you do for the least in my Kingdom?” The least are not the starving Haitians, (although they are an important part). The least are those people I am the angriest at. The people who have hurt me the worst. What have I done in return? I no longer have a choice.

4. The essential goal of everyone, the purpose of our lives is to be happy. That actually is what God wants. So how do we achieve this? Lottery winnings, personal well being, world peace will not do it. Only by viewing ourselves as needed, engaged in something that matters, or less important than the goal we seek, will bring real joy.

5. Perhaps the biggest change has been the realization that the only reality is this moment. Every moment that has passed is gone and cannot be changed, no matter how much we may want to. Time wasted thinking about what might have been steals from this moment of reality. What I think and do in this moment may effect a future moment. I firmly believe that what I release in this moment will be returned to me three fold. If I put out peace and acceptance, that is what will be returned to me. If I put out anger and rejection, that is what will come to me. Now all of this sounds very easy, but it will require hard work every day to overcome a life time of habit.

6. Jesus says “fear not” or its equivalent more times than anything else in the Bible. For most of my life I was afraid. I was afraid someone would figure out I was not good enough. I wasn’t smart enough, I wasn’t funny enough, I wasn’t as good a son, brother, teacher, friend, athlete, Catholic or carpenter as I should have been. Maybe if I just worked harder, was more vigilant, I could hold the horrors at bay. In fact, the only thing I was rock solid about was that I had been a good husband and a good father. But as I said, in that lowest of all moments, God simply said “Fear not” so I stopped fearing.

7. At this moment I am as sane, healthy, and spiritually alive as I have ever been. I embrace the unknown and can’t wait for the next challenge. And I would not be at this moment without every other moment that has passed. So while I certainly have regrets and would love to make up for past mistakes, I can’t and I will not waste another moment in guilt or recriminations.

8. Nearly every one of my faults and failures were hard wired into me. My mother did not cause me to be shy, awkward or clumsy. I came that way. It was my brokenness and it was up to me to fix it. Finally, I know how to do that.

So this year will have no new goals, just the same one, to get back to that instant with God that was so full of peace and acceptance.