ANOTHER STEP

IN the midst of all the Pre Christmas turmoil, we spent a lot of time at Toys for Tots. We were needed and it was a great place to expend some effort. Many very touching and beautiful moments took place, but my second most special moment applied only to me and my personal growth.

A man showed up with two slips, one for his child and one for his girl friend’s child. When he presented them, I asked, (as required) “ Do you have a note from your girl friend saying you can pick up her bag?” He got very agitated –“Oh, so that’s how it works? Well I guess one kid gets Christmas and the other one just watches? Great!!” At that moment I stopped him.

Now this is what was new for me. For all my life, whenever I have been in a high stress situation, my brain got up and left. Usually it went over and sat on the window sill and watched. Behind was left a cadaver from which useless noises emanated at great length. As a child, I was picked on everyday at school. The class hero would say something witty and cruel and I would respond with ,”Duh!” An hour later I could list seventeen responses that would have been brilliant – just not when needed.

When I think back over collegiate attempts at romantic by play, I just want to hide behind a bush. Being tongue tied might have at least been endearing. When family matters got tense, my brain just sat in the car and quit even trying. When confronted with the most insulting night of my life since high School, I wound up blithering about a ham. Once again, my brain was just curled up in fetal position hoping I would stroke out permanently.

At any rate, when faced with an angry man at Toys for Tots, my brain started to pack up. Suddenly, all the learning of the past three years asserted itself and I looked him in the eye and said, “ What I need you to do right now is go out that door, turn around, and come back in and say Merry Christmas.” He was stunned, then turned around went outside for several minutes, returned, stuck his hand out and said, ”Merry Christmas, I have a problem.” I shook his hand and said, ‘Merry Christmas, what can I do for you.” He explained his predicament, which was quickly resolved. I retrieved both bags, presented them to him and wished him well. He turned to go, then turned back, “ You know I’m really not a jerk. It’s just been a horrible day. My girl friend lost her job this morning, and I was told I was being transferred to Toronto.”

“Toronto is a lovely city,” I said.

“But if I move out of Broome County, I lose custody of my little girl. Great choice, work or my child!” We talked a little longer, not that I had any idea of how to help him, but I think he felt better. Talking to strangers about the horrors of your life really does help. At any rate I marked it down as one more step on the journey.