The great crisis of life is not that we are unaware of our faults, but that we are all too aware of them. There came a time when I was so consumed by my failings I sunk into self hatred and self loathing. How could I be responsible for such harm to people I cared about? How could I be the great betrayer, the great enemy? I reached a level of such ebony despair I lost all laughter.
And then, between one step and another, I felt a great cosmic hug. With it came this perfect peace. And I knew things. I knew I would never be judged for what I was not, but cherished for what I was. I knew that “forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us,” meant that we would be forgiven in the exact way, with the exact mercy, compassion and understanding we extended others. I knew that “what you have done for the least of your brothers” did not refer only to the poor or downtrodden, but the people in our lives we are the angriest at. I knew that “you cannot serve two masters” included the choice between hate and love.
I knew that God was not some great scorekeeper sending childhood cancer or car wrecks or floods to teach humanity some lesson, but that God would use those natural tragedies to work great miracles within us ---- if we would only listen. But, God never shouts, he whispers in the gentlest ways, and if you are not attentive, you will miss his words. Fear not, he will try again and again.
I knew that if God could love as disreputable, broken, and sinful a person as me, what arrogance for me to not see every other creature on earth in that light. I knew I would spend the rest of my life whittling down the log in my eye and ignoring the speck in others eyes.